The furniture is straight from the pages of a catalog and the artwork too— it’s not complete without the artwork, I imagine you saying. Same with your outfit. Took it right off the mannequin’s back, didn’t you? My God, it’s a wonder that we’re not in reverse roles. All of that orderliness and in one moment the ink spills and it’s all over your hands, fingerprints everywhere. You’ll be washing your hands for days trying to get rid of your bruises. However, some will soak through and you’ll spend hours wondering where they came from.
You’re confused because I’ve stopped being anyone other than myself and so it is like speaking with an entirely new person, although the glasses are the same. I recognize that a person can’t completely do away with all of one’s old habits. It takes time to improve one’s sight to the point of seeing clearly. My eyes have spent years adjusting themselves to the corrections of their own mistakes. It’s a wonder I’m not blind.
It’s all over the internet.
Let’s talk about me for a while. The bird I keep in my chest is growing and I imagine it won’t be long before it will want to spread its wings and depart. The hole in my heart is certainly big enough for escape and I’m not holding it back. Leave the nest I say, explore the world and forget the creature comforts of home. I could care less or more depending on which way the wind blows. My hands are dry.
Why must we let the things we love go?
I wanted to be Jesus when I was a child, to sacrifice my own life in order to heal my mother for something she had done wrong. It was a feeling I had, that I had been born in order to make our little world right again. Truthfully, I didn’t mind and in fact I took pride in the task that had been given to me. When I was 12 and in the midst of my second year of confirmation class, I knew I had been called. It was nothing more than that still, small voice that lit like a fuse, the warmth of the ember and the grace of the glow. It came from a distance but slowly descended into the deeper parts of me. My mother thought it was an impossible task. However, if you’re attempting to reach the stars it’s best to begin with the falling kind; although the way they melt in the sky like tiny white tears is heartbreaking. Being overwhelmed by the staggering fury of the heavens is something you never get used to. People don’t use comets as candles for a reason.
I’m trying to sort through all of the ghosts that hang so neatly in my closet; you cannot let them out to just wander about. When they’re in the closet I know where they are. If I happen to need one for a certain occasion I can simply grab it and be on my way. Some of the ghosts don’t fit anymore but there’s no one to give them to and I’d hate to just throw them out. Everyone has their own ghosts anyway and sizing issues are difficult to overcome. There used to be tailors for this sort of problem but they’re rare these days. With the help of a good tailor my father’s family kept one ghost in good repair for three generations. When his parents were children not everyone had their own ghosts; families shared and passed them down from generation to generation. One can imagine what those ghosts meant to them, hanging around for 100-years or so.
You want me to come to some conclusion, I can see your impatience and I recognize the look of false interest. The twist of your wrist to glance at your watch as if you have suffered from an injury. As if you’re the one with the scars. Of course you have others to see and more important things to do. Perhaps you have a dog that needs to be walked. He’s suffering indoors all day while you sit and bear the pain of others upon your shoulders, although they eventually sink into your wallet. Maybe you buy your captive dog a bone if he doesn’t chew the furniture. Your spouse, is there a bone in the offering for your spouse as well? You’re upset now and you have every right to be. After all you’re human, flesh and bone like the rest of us. Only your nerves are made of steel. Please, medicate me so I can stop being an asshole.#